If nothing else, I need to stop day drinking. Nothing good ever comes from it. I always fall into my own head. I believe she isn’t the kind of person to leave me hanging without a good reason. It just sucks that I allowed myself to get so excited over a person who I just do not know that well. I do not know how often they forget plans with other people. I do not know if when they say they are tired, if they’re being honest or just avoiding people. The time I’ve spent in her presence is great and I’ve seen no hint of it, but it’s a lot easier to hide things via text. While I was eager to have her number, I guess I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, thinking that she’d be so different from my past.
So I’ve noticed that I have become a lot more easily emotional. I cry when I”m supposed to during movies. I feel emotions more openly and it’s strange. The only explanation I can think of is that after getting dumped I feel little more than I used to. It’s strange, but I’m ok with it. I think I’d rather feel than always seem so detached.
3 doubles, 2 long nights. Been at the bar every day, half because ‘a beer after work’ and half to try to see ‘her’. Can’t decide if that is ok or not.
I get the feeling that I get far to invested in the first girl to show even the smallest inkling of interest even if it’s not warranted. At least while I’m single. I understand that she doesn’t really want to be obvious about it, but I honestly wish I could read her actions between us. Fuck my naivety.